Let me go on record as saying that E! television network’s newest reality show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?,” is the greatest thing to happen to University of Georgia fans, alumni and supporters since a star was named after our school. (It’s been a big week for us “Dawgs.”)
Seriously, this train wreck is a must-see for any red & black wearer. After watching the show you may even feel compelled to unroll that degree of yours and kiss it (only open-mouthed if it’s already been framed). That last part goes for not just Georgia grads, but for anyone outside of Gainesville, FL and UF, Lochte’s alma mater.
No lie, in my life I have actually had a University of Florida grad refer to UF as “the Harvard of the South” without a hint of facetiousness. I, myself, prefer the nicknames “University of America’s Wang” or “University of Where Tebow Once Cried,” but, admittedly, I am an unapologetic Gator Hater, and I digress…
My point is, the arrogance that is bred in that town is epidemic and the narcissistic dolt, Lochte, is but one example. Sorry I’m not sorry, Gator fans, but your university deemed this douchebag dummy worthy of the same “prestigious” degree you’re holding. Food for thought…
It’s not to say that the Lochtinator* is a terrible person or mean or what have you. He is just truly, authentically, helplessly unintelligent and, at least so far, is not in on the joke.
(*I’m not sure if I just made up that word or if it already exists in his lexicon of douchery with coined terms like “Lochterage,” “Lochtenation,” and of course “Jeah,” a catchphrase he ripped off from famed rapper, Young Jeezy.)
In interviews he sites Kim Kardashian as someone he admires since she brought herself from virtual obscurity to reality television super-stardom. However, one must realize that the person/brand that Kardashian and others before her (like Jessica Simpson) have created were done so with chess master-esque precision by their astute, albeit opportunistic, parent-managers which is more than can be said for Lochte’s mom (whose offspring, besides Ryan, include this idiotic racist).
Moreover, Lochte’s reality show predecessors understood the brand they were selling – they knew how they came off and laughed along with those laughing at them all the way to the bank. Being a calculated idiot (a sex tape with Ray J and “chicken of the sea,” anyone?) has proven to be much more lucrative than just a regular idiot (a la “The Jersey Shore” cast) which is why the now multi-million dollar industries of Kardashian and Simpson continue to thrive well past their fifteen-minute expiration.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe we are the pawns. Maybe Ryan Lochte is an incredible genius who has us all fooled. I have my doubts, but I guess only time will tell.
In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this and this and the clip below and I encourage you to at least sit through a few minutes of the swimming wunderkind’s show.
Oh, and GO DAWGS!!
Off The Duff 