Off The Duff

Sophie, Lily, and I headed in to Cannes around midday to catch the Market Screening of “William Vincent,” a film that James Franco both starred in and produced with his company, ‘RabbitBandini.’ I’ll be honest, we (along with the students who showed up for the screening) were mostly holding out hope that the present-day James Dean would show up in-person to present his film to the 60-person market screening audience. He did not – and the film was beyond awful, soooo… 1 point James Franco, 0 points us.

Synopsis:

From James Franco’s RabbitBandini Productions comes the story of William Vincent, a man (Franco) who assumes a new identity for the sole purpose, it seems [read: NO purpose], of disappearing in plain sight. He is living in the shadows of New York City, until one day chance brings him in contact with a vague crime syndicate [keyword: vague] made up of a trio of unlikely criminals [read: uninteresting people], one of whom is Ann, the couresan/confidant of the syndicate boss. William and Ann fall in love almost immediately [without explanation – about as much build-up of a paltry RomCom], to the great displeasure of the Boss. When the Boss prohibits William from seeing Ann [senselessly], the reluctant criminal’s reaction is swift and extreme, and forces him to flee the city, leaving behind Ann and whatever small life he had constructed for himself [keyword: small (read: uneventful, hardly making a dent on anyone or anything, pointless – just like this plot)]. The film begins when William, after four years in exile, returns to the city to rescue Ann from her enslavement by the Boss [interesting’ish premise uninterestingly played out].

At least we all got a free glass of wine out of enduring the “my first film school” film. While we waited in line before the screening we were handed some petite glasses of vino by a couple of Festival waitresses. Methinks this was an attempt to drug us so we would enjoy the film. Unfortunately for them I don’t think we would’ve enjoyed it even if they had passed out pills of ecstasy and free passes to Euro Disney. This flimsy, painfully dull, wannabe-existential movie did not stand a chance – it tried WAY to hard. Better just stick to soap operas and weed movies, James.

Après le film, the students scattered to go catch more screening and Sophie headed back to Juan for dinner. Lily and I strolled along the International Village and walked through the park to grab some food at the little outdoor café by the carousel and fountain. (Same place I had that meet’n’eat session with Dr. Smith and those students a few days prior).

Feeling a bit Frenchy I ordered a classic dish, a Croque Monsieur (which is basically a glorified ham and cheese). Lily and I ate and enjoyed the bustling scenery before heading over to the Cinéma de la Plage (aka- Movie on the Beach).

We flashed our badges, were handed a plush, white, fleece ‘Stella Artois’ blanket (which now sits in my hotel room after I expertly smuggled it out – hey, gotta get souvenirs where you can!), and made our way up towards the front to grab a couple primo seats in the rows of cloth folding chairs.

Before long the familiar sounds of a man yelling, “Shoo-shoo! Shoo-shoo!,” reverberated into our eardrums. This is exactly what I had been waiting for. This same guy is here EVERY YEAR walking the aisles of cloth beach chairs selling his “shoo-shoos”, which are basically little plastic bags of praline-covered nuts. It’s 2€ for one bag or 3€ for two. Of course I opt for the two-bag option, so Lily and I can each enjoy a treat during the movie.

The movie playing on the screen out over the Med tonight is, “From Here to Eternity.” Ahh…a movie about Hawaii and the U.S. military as I sit on the beaches of southern France…could this BE anymore perfect for me?!?!

About halfway through the film we are distracted by the booming music and flashing lights of another projection. It seems that a Chinese cinema party is on and popping just a little ways down the beach from us. Lily and I attempt to stay focused on the large screen in front of us as best we can – we don’t want this to ruin our beach movie experience.

A half our later, just when we had successfully zoned out the noise from the neighboring party – FLASHES of FIREWORKS appear above our screen out over the waters of the Mediterranean. It was truly a moment worthy of “oos” and “ahhs.” We were mesmerized and taken aback as this would turn out to be the BEST fireworks show that Lily or I had ever experienced in our lives. Hands down. I immediately mentally apologize to the Chinese party people for the mean thoughts I had toward them earlier — because THIS was truly a spectacle. I’ve never seen anything like it. Amazing.